Becky

I was thinking the other day about friendships. I have had so many friends in my lifetime. Some that have meant the WORLD to me that are no longer around and on the sad flip side of that some that have really not meant much to me but have managed STILL to this day to be in my life. It got me to thinking about the friends in my life right now...and how long each of them would be around.

Things have started to change in my group of friends. People started getting married a couple of years ago and that is when one of the most significant people in my life disappeared. Becky. Becky had been my best friend since 5th grade. Becky saw me through a million scraped knees, broken hearts, she started me smoking, she picked me up when I was stoned, heck we even had our first taste of alcohol together (amaretto through a HAIRSPRAY bottle we took downstairs and filled). Becky was my best friend. Becky was my family. We had necklaces that said we were best friends and we bought each other cards that called each other sister. And now she is gone--I was maid of honor in her wedding and then she disappeared...we saw each other a minimal amount of times after that and then I guess we just didn't fit. She moved farther away (not to far just about an hour away) and got new friends. We both stopped calling and that was that.

In October I invited her to my wedding. We haven't spoken in about 3 years. She wrote back saying she was 9 months pregnant and unless she was having the baby that day that she would be there. Even if she wasn't she gave me her number. She didn't show. I haven't called. I guess not seeing her there sealed my deal. I don't know cause if my deal was sealed would writing this still make me want to cry. Either way I haven't called. I probably won't and she will stay gone.

She was just the first...I see it happening all over my group of friends certain people just becoming too far away or too hard to get a hold of to bother. It becomes annoying, then aggravating, then hurtful, then you don't care, and at the end you stop inviting them because you don't even know if you want them there anymore. You make new friends and realize that your life is just as full and eventually most of them fade. MOST of them fade. The ones that don't become those people and events that ended up changing your life. Becky did that. Becky made me see that even your "sister" can leave you and never even tell you why. She taught me that even when someone is gone for years and has left you wondering why you aren't friends it can change the way you think of friendships for a lifetime. The friends that I love...the ones that support me and are a part of my life and family like Becky was I try to nurture. I don't want them to disappear. I don't want them to become the friends that changed my life because they are gone.

As for Becky...I don't know that if I did call that things would change. I think not knowing and hoping that they would have changed if I would have called is better than calling and having nothing change.