Merry Christmas!

What a beautiful morning! It was wonderful waking up this morning next to my amazing husband on our first Christmas as man and wife.

I hope that all the bloggers and blog readers out there have a wonderful holiday! Keep all of your loved ones close and remember to make sure to tell all those close to you that you love them!

Merry Christmas

Happy Hannukah

Happy Kwanza

And to everyone else just have a wondrful day!

A Special Request

I work for a company who does some contracting for the Army. We received an email from one of our contacts that I thought I would share--asking us all to remember our troops and send them a quick note/card to lift their spirits this season. Though I am totally against the war that we are currently involved in, I support our troops. I thank God that their are people like them that do fight for our freedom--that being said the reasons we are there combined with the absolute misdirection from our president (UGH WHY) are ridiculous.

If you are so inclined please take a few minutes out of your busy week (believe me I know) and send a little love out.

Here is the email that was sent to me from our contact:

I'm sure many of you are currently writing cards to friends and family. If you can, please send an extra one to our American military heroes who are recuperating from wounds this Christmas Season. Please enclose a short note thanking them for their service and personal sacrifice. They are the protectors of our freedom, and enable us to peacefully enjoy the holidays with our loved ones. We must let them know that we appreciate their sacrifice.Your small act of kindness will be greatly appreciated.

Here's the address...

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20307-5001

Christmas Part 2 (There are you happy--there is a Part 2)

I am totally all in the Christmas spirit! I was a wrapping fool last night and having so much fun! I do believe that my Bill did go a bit overboard considering that my new pc was supposed to be my present and there is a whole pile of gifts for me just tempting me to find a razor and slice the tape to peak at what he bought for me!

I gotta say I am so excited to have a bunch of days off too. I honestly NEED a day off. I say this after having almost every Monday off this month. But, I do! Here is the deal. I hate my job…as stated before. But it is the actual job that I hate. It is killing me. I just don’t feel that I am utilizing the best of me in this position. I feel like I have more to give and well this just isn’t where I can do it. And the worst thing is that I am giving DOUBLE for every job I do because it’s just not me and I have to work twice as hard to do the same thing that everyone else is doing. I just don’t like it and I am not good at it…I mean the paperwork alone gives me hives and it is just totally not me.

So, no more talk about work…back to the holiday. I just got some sad news. My friend Mikey is not going to be coming home for the holiday. L This is very sad news. He lives in New York City and I don’t get to see him too much. He is officially my oldest friend. We have been friends since the first day of the 6th grade. He has witnessed most of the embarrassing things I have done in my life so I have to keep him on the pay roll LOL! He hates when I call him Mikey! His ACTUAL name is Michael A. Henry (I know what the A stands for and it isn’t that bogus Alexander he is trying to play it off as—but I will never tell!) The show he is in (the Lion King ON BROADWAY if you can believe it) is sending him to San Diego to play Mufasa for the week, which he will love since he is not a fan of cold weather and well New York in December…COLD. He understudies for Mufasa and is in the Chorus normally. I am gonna miss him this holiday…the last time I saw him was my wedding and well the 5 mins I had to talk to him really was not nearly enough.

Lots of stuff to do over the next couple of days; mucho cooking, lots of people to see, gifts to hand out, and I mean I gotta get Santa’s cookies made so there is the baking. I should be very busy!

I have been a very bad girl recently though…I keep teasing my best friend that her boyfriend (of 7 mos, that she is buying land with) is going to propose to her LOL! I can’t help it! I mean I know it will happen eventually but watching her get neurotic is fun. I love her to death, but she may kill me before the holiday is over. Tee Hee, hope Santa isn’t watching! And seriously why does she put up with me...Oh wait that is right I totally love her to death! It is nice to see her happy so I must torture her. Her boyfriend is a great guy and I hope they find the happiness that Bill and I have found in each other.

Okay I got nothing else earth shattering to say except to ask…Is it too late for me to add to my Christmas list? I want a new president. I am done with this ASS!

Christmas Part 1

Now look I know for there to be a part one there has to be a part 2. I am thinking I will have more Christmas posts so we'll see otherwise...well just deal with the title LOL!

Here is the thing I LOVE CHRISTMAS! Everything about it from the presents you give/get, the spirit of people celebrating, the MUSIC (oh I could do a whole post JUST on the music), just everything. This year though is different. Not that I love it any less...actually I am feeling the spirit a little more.

The budget has made this year a little light. I honestly LOVE spending money on ppl for Christmas. The look on their faces when I get something that is just perfect is so AWESOME! But, this year the list is smaller, the budgets are smaller, but the sentiment is just as big--maybe bigger. I turned to my husband the other day and said "It is the weirdest thing. I honestly could get NOTHING this Christmas and be okay with it." he looked at me and God love him he has a look like -- well of course you would say that you are the most loving and wonderful woman in the world -- I love that he looks at me like that, but honestly folks like any other spoiled rotten only child I LOVE GETTING PRESENTS! And this was an epiphany for me in the car driving to the mall to go shopping. I could get nothing this year from parents, friends, husband...and I would be fine. How? Why? What happened since last year?

I figured it out. I have everything. I have everything that I could ever/have ever wished for. It's all here in my life and honestly. I don't need anything else. If Santa dropped off a package with a big bow and I opened it up and it said your present is the last year and every year to come I would say..."yeah that is about right and more than enough."

I have:

Great friends--they know exactly who they are cause when I say great I mean the kind of great you only find once in a lifetime and try to keep forever.

Wonderful and Loving parents--this year was so hard with planning the wedding and it really showed me that I am truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life.

A super DOG--though some people (non-dog owners) would say this is trivial, unless you have that kind of unconditional dog love in your life...you just don't know!

My loving husband--this is the topper. He completes everything. He is the caulk in my life, holds everything together so that it all keeps working. He makes me thankful everyday for having met him and for being smart enough to have him in my life.

These are all my things that I love...these are all my presents that I get to cherish everyday!!! How exciting to get to wake up knowing I have these things/people in my life. WOW this is a cheesy post! But I warned you I love Christmas. Everything about it even the cheese!

Life isn't perfect but with these people and things in my life it doesn't need to be. Sure, I hate my job, I wish I had more money and less debt, etc. Everyday there are bunches of things I want to change, want to do, WHATEVER--the long and short of it is. My life, as it is, with these people and the things I have can only get better so I need to cherish them. Keep them close. Love them more.

So I do want things for Christmas and here is my list:

More Love
Dog Kisses
Bedtime Snuggles
Big Bear hugs from my Bears
My father to be proud
My mother to like my cooking
White lights on my tree
My husbands smile every morning

I hope I get everything on my list!

Becky

I was thinking the other day about friendships. I have had so many friends in my lifetime. Some that have meant the WORLD to me that are no longer around and on the sad flip side of that some that have really not meant much to me but have managed STILL to this day to be in my life. It got me to thinking about the friends in my life right now...and how long each of them would be around.

Things have started to change in my group of friends. People started getting married a couple of years ago and that is when one of the most significant people in my life disappeared. Becky. Becky had been my best friend since 5th grade. Becky saw me through a million scraped knees, broken hearts, she started me smoking, she picked me up when I was stoned, heck we even had our first taste of alcohol together (amaretto through a HAIRSPRAY bottle we took downstairs and filled). Becky was my best friend. Becky was my family. We had necklaces that said we were best friends and we bought each other cards that called each other sister. And now she is gone--I was maid of honor in her wedding and then she disappeared...we saw each other a minimal amount of times after that and then I guess we just didn't fit. She moved farther away (not to far just about an hour away) and got new friends. We both stopped calling and that was that.

In October I invited her to my wedding. We haven't spoken in about 3 years. She wrote back saying she was 9 months pregnant and unless she was having the baby that day that she would be there. Even if she wasn't she gave me her number. She didn't show. I haven't called. I guess not seeing her there sealed my deal. I don't know cause if my deal was sealed would writing this still make me want to cry. Either way I haven't called. I probably won't and she will stay gone.

She was just the first...I see it happening all over my group of friends certain people just becoming too far away or too hard to get a hold of to bother. It becomes annoying, then aggravating, then hurtful, then you don't care, and at the end you stop inviting them because you don't even know if you want them there anymore. You make new friends and realize that your life is just as full and eventually most of them fade. MOST of them fade. The ones that don't become those people and events that ended up changing your life. Becky did that. Becky made me see that even your "sister" can leave you and never even tell you why. She taught me that even when someone is gone for years and has left you wondering why you aren't friends it can change the way you think of friendships for a lifetime. The friends that I love...the ones that support me and are a part of my life and family like Becky was I try to nurture. I don't want them to disappear. I don't want them to become the friends that changed my life because they are gone.

As for Becky...I don't know that if I did call that things would change. I think not knowing and hoping that they would have changed if I would have called is better than calling and having nothing change.

jobs

I was thinking about my job. Primarily because my job is HATEFUL and EVIL! But it started me thinking about the jobs I have had in the past. I don't think that I have ever actually sought out a job on my own. Even like the stupid little jobs you have when you are younger...hmmmm let me think.

Turkey Hill--my best friend Becky got a job there and got me the job. I was there for 3 years.
PA Women's Commission--teacher found me in class...loved me and hired me. 1 year during college
Audio Paging--when I left school my friend Heather gave me a job working for her at the mall. Was there for only a couple of months (I think--that time was a little hazy)
Impac--My mom's co-worker's daughter got me an interview there. (I was there for 3 years)
Current Job--My firend Maria recommended me for the job. I have been here in 12 different positions for 7 years. She is long gone LOL

Now granted I have always had the skills to have the job but I have never actively gone out and FOUND a position that I wanted to be in. I just realized this when I was thinking about why I am so unhappy where I am now. Maybe if I sought out my own position and own destiny I could find something I wanted to do. Maybe not--the unfortunate or fortunate problem depending on how you look at it is that I may almost have priced myself out of jobs that I can/want to do. Though I hate my job...I am not poorly paid--now granted I feel like for the amount of CRAP I put up with I should be paid MILLIONS, but in the grand scheme of things it is not awful. But is my happiness worth that little bit of money.

I guess my quest for myself is to find something that keeps me at least moderately happy in my job that pays me about what I am making now (preferably more). Ya see, this is all that makes me unhappy. Outside of here I have everything; friends that I adore, the best husband in the whole world, the cutest dog ever, and a couple of family members that I don't mind being around. It's just my 8 to 5, Monday thru Friday that kills me.

Santa Claus

So do you believe in Santa Claus? To be honest and I mean completely honest, I think I held this belief much longer than most kids. For some reason Santa just didn't make sense to me. He just had to be real right? Okay here is what I didn't understand. I came from a middle class family that really when I was growing up didn't have money to just throw around. But, somehow at Christmas, I had a TREE FULL of presents I mean like the entire under the tree area was PACKED! There was no way that Santa wasn't real. I mean it was just impossible that somehow someway there was EVERYTHING I wanted and more.

So my theory was that Santa had to be real because in reality I just knew we couldn't afford that kind of Christmas every year. It's funny cause now that I am old enough to have debt and try to manage the fine line between credit cards and real money I can see that obviously Christmas was possible without money LOL. But for some reason I still feel like there was a bit of magic that went on during that time. I still feel like it wasn't all the solid reality that I am accustomed to thinking it was. When it starts to snow, and Christmas lights are out, I can't help but feel that maybe Santa will come around again and just bring the magic with him. I don't need the presents anymore, just the magic. I can already feel the build up now. We are having a big Christmas Eve at my mom's house, we have limited plans for the actual day of Christmas but I just know that this season is going to be filled with hope, prosperity, happiness, and if we are lucky...a little bit of magic.

Scary, odd, weird, and sad with blue lights

So the scariest thing ever happened to me yesterday. I was drinking a Dr. Pepper (which I love warm - it's fabulous) and it kinda got stuck like right in the middle of my chest on like an air bubble or something but it caused this weird weird AWFUL PAINFUL feeling! It felt like it started so tiny and then just expanded. And I think I blacked out. The only reason I think this is because I was sitting at my pc and everything was spinning around and I couldn't hold my head up and it was AWFUL. I can't even explain the weird, scariness of this event but it was both weird and scary in the worst way possible. Not to be a drama queen (which I am) but I honestly in those few seconds thought I was going to die. It was the oddest feeling ever. It was probably also the saddest feeling ever. The only thing I could think was why now? I am so happy, and in love, and content why am I dying now?

This and a bunch of weird tv shows that have been on got me thinking about dying. I told my husband that I HAVE to die first. I would be an awful widow. I just know it. For some reason we have seen two shows recently that dealt with a spouse dying and the other ones just kinda sleepwalking through life. Living, but not really...still alive but with a saddness crowding every day that they live without their love. I don't think I can handle that kind of saddness so I think I need to die first. Wow that is so morbid.

Okay so I will change the subject so we can all leave the blog happy and smiley. I just bought 1500 blue Christmas lights! Can you believe that? Now of course we have no idea how to hang them but HEY buying them is the first step LOL! Extension cords are needed but I will leave that job to Bill. I have NO CLUE about that--connections/electricity blah blah blah! This was our first marital compromise. See, I am a white light girl. Not to say that I can't appreciate someone else's house all decorated in colored lights but for me it is clear thanks. Well festive to Bill is colored lights. Hmmm...yeah so this is what we are doing solid blue lights around all the windows, the garage, the door and white lights in the window with a white tree. My girl Holly said that I have nothing to fear that the white and blue will be beautiful (I trust her on this she has a GORGEOUS tree probably one of my favorites). We'll see...this compromising thing is for the birds. Tee hee!

Do I have enough to say?

Most people that know me would think that there is no way possible for me to run out of things to talk about. And to be honest, it really is a very odd instance that I am struck speechless. We'll see. I used to keep a diary. I guess blogging is like a diary posted so that there is the opprotunity for the world to see you all exposed...mispellings and all. (You would never guess that I won the 4th grade spelling bee in my school--I am pretty sure I just mispelled opprotunity.)

I just got back from lunch--it was a quiet lunch. I met my husband (still feels weird calling him that since we only got married less than 2 months ago) for lunch and we sat most of it in silence, holding hands and staring at each other. For me being comfortable silent with someone is huge. I have always been the girl who filled every minute with something and lucky for me I had enough to keep the noise going...but with Bill (my husband) it's okay to be quiet. He took me to lunch because I needed to be out of my building where I work. Let's not talk about work though let's just say it is, well, not my favorite thing in the world right now and leave it at that. There is no reason to be totally unpleasant in my first blog.

So like I was saying...lunch actually I guess it should be more, like I was saying...Bill. I never thought that someone could make me feel calm. Like he honestly calms my soul (not to be cheesy). I was always a really restless person. Nothing calmed me, nothing made me feel settled, nothing could straighten out all the curly cues that every day could throw to me...until Bill. It's weird but by adding him to my life I feel like I have a certain clarity. I have always known who I am. I was happy without Bill, but with Bill my life is not moving along at a million miles an hour and when it is and I feel overwelmed he slows it down and helps to fix or just to listen to what is making me nuts. We take time to enjoy each other and in those moments life stands still and everything is okay. No matter how bad work is going, how frustrated I am with someone, how annoyed I am at a situation, in that moment it's okay and I get the clarity to deal with it. I don't know how else to say it. But we work and in a way that I never thought possible.

There are people in this world that I love. People who I instantly upon meeting them KNEW that I connected with. My best friend Lisa (an amazing woman who is my kindred spirit and best friend for life), My friend Heather (so impossible to explain our relationship in just a sentence I will write more on that later), my Ron (who when I met I knew in a single heart beat that he would be in my life forever and with him he brought his partner Michael who I know cares for me probably more than any person I have called friend in my life), and then there is Bill. These people are the family that I got to pick. They frustrate, care for me, love me, and make me crazy just as good or better than any brother or sister ever could do and for that I love them all with an unconditional love that no one could ever change. Just wanted to intro you to them cause you will hear about them a lot, all over this blog.

So that's all I got. Who asked "Do I have enought to say"? LOL not me!